


Remembrance

by BadgerDame



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hallucinations, M/M, One Shot, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Thramsay - Freeform, mentions of thramsay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 08:04:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11596437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadgerDame/pseuds/BadgerDame
Summary: After Euron Greyjoy's attack on Theon and Yara's ship, Theon has escaped and survived. As he deals with leaving Yara behind and not being able to handle the trauma of his past when she needed him most, his past haunts him with hallucinations of Ramsay.After S7e2





	Remembrance

**Author's Note:**

> I just had to write this after how much the new episode broke my heart.

Exhaustion was creeping in on every part of Theon's body as he tried to stay afloat. It had been hours since the attack. Hours since he had seen his uncle Euron's ship sail away. Hours since the trauma of all he's been through came back at full force. The screams, his uncle's men killing and torturing his sisters crew, Euron goading him into a move he knew he'd regret. All he could think about in that moment was-

 

Blue eyes widened as he saw the shore line. The piece of wood that was helping keeping him afloat left his mind as he swam as quickly as his fatigue body could allow. The morning sun coming over the horizon making the shore line even clearer for him. The waves hit him and he felt his grip slip from the piece of wood he was barely holding onto. Salt water went down his throat as he went under the waves. Burning his eyes as he panicked as he sunk. 

 

No matter how much his arms or legs moved he just couldn't reach the water’s surface. A part of his mind wondered if the Drowned God he was raised to believe in was finally calling him home. If after everything he would finally die in the sea.

 

_What is dead may never die._

 

 

As an Irornborn dying by drowning just felt right. They would live by the sea and die by the sea. His body wanted him to stop fighting so hard to live. To drained to keep on struggling for breath. Blue eyes closed as he sunk deeper and deeper into the murky depths. His chest ached from lack of oxygen but a calmness was all he could feel. Theon was where he was supposed to be. The sea was his home. It was a comforting thought so he ignored the ache his abused body was in. The Drowned God would take care of him when his soul left his body. Theon could be free. No more pain. Not trapped in the dark cells of the Dreadfort. Not under the constant fear of what torment that-

 

_Don't die so far from the sea._

 

Yara's voice filled his mind. His sisters face as clear as day. Euron threatening to slit her throat and there was nothing he could do to save her. If only he had been stronger. If only he could have been the man that he thought of himself was so long ago. No, he wouldn't die so far from the sea. He wouldn't die now. He needed to survive. To save his sister for he knew the type of man that his uncle Euron was. A man so much like-

 

Blue eyes opened and with a new determination he used all the strength he could muster to force his body up against the pull of the waves. Light on the surfaces edge was like a beacon to him to keep going. As his head breached the surface and air filled his lungs, he felt more alive than he had felt since jumping off the walls of Winterfell with Sansa.

 

Coughing out sea water he set his sights on the shoreline. Swimming with the same vigor that kept him from drowning moments before. When his legs touched sand, he forced himself to stand, only for his body to fall into the water again. Despite everything he had made it. Theon had survived another day. Pushing himself forward until he was fully out of the water he collapsed on his back on beach. His breathing was heavy as he spat out more sea water. Shaking and in pain he laid there to regain his strength. Closing his eyes he allowed his exhaustion to overtake him.

 

_But rises again harder and stronger._

 

Theon knew he would come back stronger now. Yara was counting on him, he may have let her down but he wouldn't again. Not this time. Not when Euron had plans for her. His body trembled at the thought. Gods what was that monster doing to her as he laid there? What if he wasn't strong enough to save her? No! He couldn't think like that. He was a Greyjoy. The Kraken was his house sigil. Theon had to be like the Kraken.

 

_Kraken. Mmm. Strong as long as they’re in the sea. When you take them out of the water, no bones. They collapse under their proud weight and slump into a heap of nothing. You’d think they know that. Unfortunately, they’re not very bright._

 

Theon opened his eyes as he felt his heart race in his chest. What he saw sent his body into a shock as eyes like dirty ice looked down on him. The monster in the dark that haunted every fiber of his being. Theon moved back quickly but couldn't get very far as his muscles were in to much pain to move.

 

_No. No. No. I won't go back!_

 

A familiar chuckle that reminded him of broken bones and his skin being peeled from his flesh mocked his thoughts. Ramsay just stood there watching him, with the flaying knife that kissed his skin more times than he'd like to remember in his hand.

 

"Haven't you learned by now? Foolish, pet. You'll always be Reek," Ramsay's smile was as sharp as one of his flaying knifes. "Don't you remember what you told me?"

 

_I'm Reek._

_Until when?_

_Always, forever._

 

"I escaped," Theon whimpered. "I'm Theon, not Reek, Theon."

 

Ramsay moved closer to him and his body froze in fear. No matter how far away he was from this beast in human skin, he couldn't escape the terror that was instilled in him from his long stay under Ramsay's control. Ramsay kneeled next to him and cupped his check gently as Theon winced.

 

"Dear, Reek, would Lord Theon Greyjoy have run away like you did?" Ramsay's voice was gentle but the condescending tone he knew too well was under the surface. "Reek rhythms with meek and that's what you were when it counted, weren't you. Don't you know you can't ever lie to me? Haven't I taught you that much?"

 

It was true he did run away from the battle. But, what else could he have really done? If he took on his uncle’s challenge, Yara would be dead or worse they both would be captured. He wouldn't be here where he could get word to Queen Daenerys on what happened to their fleet. Theon wouldn't be able to plan a course of action to save Yara.

 

"If I didn't jump from the ship then Euron would have gotten us both. I had to leave her behind."

 

Ramsay shook his head at that in amusement. Both of them knew, Theon's actions had more to do with what Ramsay had put him through. A crippling fear that even now felt impossible to ever overcome no matter how hard he tried. If just being reminded of Ramsay caused him to become Reek again, then what chance did he have of ever facing Euron again and winning?

 

"We both know why you left her behind. You're a coward. Not the lord you are trying to pretend to be," His fingers stroked his cheek as icy eyes looked over his body much like he did when he presented Reek with his gift all those years ago. "Remember what you are and what you are not." The echo of words of a past he was desperately trying to put behind him.

 

Was he even Theon and not Reek? Could he even claim that he escaped Ramsay's hold on him? He promised Yara that he'd fight for her and protect her but he couldn't even do that when his flashbacks of before came back to him. Was Ramsay right all along? Theon couldn't allow himself to think that way. Yara didn't need Reek, she needed Theon right now more than ever.

 

"I didn't want to leave her. I'll save her from my uncle." Theon whispered as he saw Ramsay pull his hand away from him. Playing with the knife in his hand he tilted his head at Theon. Light reflected off the blade and he couldn't tear his eyes away from it. He felt like he did on the ship around all the screaming. It was all to much to him. All too familiar, like when he had to watch his fellow Irornborn flayed alive when he betrayed them under Ramsay's orders. That's all he could think about at the time. All those screams haunted him. He twitched as he forced himself to look away as he couldn't handle it anymore.

 

 

"But you did because in the end you'll always be afraid of me. You'll always think of me wherever you go. Whatever you do and whoever you fear you'll always see me," Ramsay grinned. "You told me yourself that you loved me. You can never escape the time we spent together. The games we played. I'll always be there with you. You'll forever be my Reek."

 

There was no changing the past. There was no going back to a time before his captivity. The man he was before and during Ramsay couldn't exist anymore. Yara would certainty suffer a fate much worse than he did if she stayed as Euron's captive. Memories of Ramsay couldn't hold him back from what he had to do anymore. Theon had only one choice now.

 

"You can't hurt me anymore, in the end you lost," He retorted with more desperation in his voice. "You're not here, you're back in Winterfell. Far away from me and I'm never going back to that hell-" His voice rose with a fierceness of his former self before he ever met the monster of his life. Blue eyes glared at Ramsay an act that he hadn't done since he'd taken on the name of Reek. "Never back to you. I saved Sansa from you and I saved myself."

 

"Reek, do you think I won't find you? Do you think you can survive without me?" Ramsay's voice was drifting farther away from him. "You'd be safer if you just came back to me pet, back home where you belong and you won't have to worry about that uncle of yours. I'll take care you like I did before. You can go back to being my loyal submissive, Reek."

 

 

A part of him knew that till the day he died he would be fighting to survive what Ramsay subjected him to. Theon would forever have the scars and flashbacks to the anguish he suffered. Euron had reminded him so much of Ramsay. That's why he ran. A mistake he would have to rectify. Euron was a monster of his own right, just like Ramsay was but he survived Ramsay. He'd survive Euron. Just like he had to overcome the Reek persona that was forced upon him to kill Myranda and overcome his fears to escape with Sansa, he'll have to overcome the memories as well. If there was even a chance of saving his sister from their uncle then he couldn't allow the similarities of his past to haunt him anymore. Never again could he allow Reek to resurface in him again.

 

Theon stood up as Ramsay watched him. Their eyes met and an understanding past between them. One that if the real Ramsay was there then Theon would suffer greatly for it. But, this wasn't Ramsay. He wouldn't be afraid anymore of ghosts that couldn't hurt him any longer. Theon found his strength and with it he'd defeat the new nightmare of the present, his uncle. No matter how closely his uncle reminded him of Ramsay he wouldn't let that stop him. He was a Greyjoy. He was Irornborn. He'd rise to meet the challenge that was his future. Turning his back on the nightmare of his past and with a new resolve to succeed, he whispered into the wind.

 

"Reek is dead. He's never coming back. I'm Theon Greyjoy, son of Balon Greyjoy and I'm going to save my sister."


End file.
